The secret to a happy marriage

A few days ago I wrote an article with my 21 year old wisdom on the subject of love. I left it as a draft. Though I am a firm believer in the fact that there is no age for maturity (I’ve met some very small 50 year olds in my time), I do like to think we can all learn from those who are married and living what lot’s of us secretly dream of.

This is the first part of a poem series by some of the men and women I love most.

Couple n.1: “Nous sommes un couple complémentaire, atypique et toujours en quête de faire mieux.”

Married for 17 years

4 sons

“The secret to success of our mariage (if I can indeed say it is successful, as we can always do better) is the power of forgiveness. H. and I went through some very difficult times, very difficult indeed with lots of suffering. But, we always talked, prayed and forgave one another.

It’s painful to watch your loved one do something hurtful: you feel betrayed, scoffed, forgotten; the question I often ask myself: “is not my attitude the cause of this?”.

When it comes down to it, the most complicated thing is to forgive yourself, accept that you missed the mark, you fell. With that you come back to the love of your beloved.

At the start of our life together, we fought often (to the point where we wondered if we hadn’t gotten in over our heads by getting wed so fast) – but H. taught me to talk, to confess, to listen and put into the light each dark part of my soul. That’s when I discovered I could tumble, talk and be forgiven not only by God but by my loved one.

I also discovered that my husband could love me, even when I failed.

Your dad had us read a book called “A heart in pieces”, and it had a huge impact on our relationship. It’s about people who cheat, and even though it wasn’t our situation we understood the first steps that led to that. It was a slap in the face.

We make sure to spend time together at night: watching a movie, reading, praying every night before we fall asleep. But really, it’s about talking to each other, telling the truth and keeping a bond as we listen, support and forgive unconditionally.”

[Translated from French]

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